How to detox from someone.

We’ve all been there, whether it’s an ex or simply just a friend, it’s happens to the best of us. Sometimes you know you’re the complete opposite to someone  to the point that you know that will only cause damage in the long run, so in turn you save yourself.  I think what’s worse is knowing that there isn’t a quick fix, and there’s definitely no time frame. I try to never form serious attachments but when I do and something goes wrong it can take me more than a year to be ok.

Like I said there are no real solutions and everyone has their own methods but I want so share some of the tips I use.

1. Cutting contact

This is most obvious and logical tip. It’s all good in theory but nobody can tell you how difficult it can actually be. Sometimes you’re so used to speaking to someone every day that the dramatic change is like a drug addict weaning off his vice, but rest assured habits can be broken. I find it really hard to cut contact because I have a phobia of goodbyes so I try my hardest to find a way to make it work but sometimes it just doesn’t. Sometimes people cut half the contact but if you want to move on it needs to be everything:

  • NUMBER
  • FACEBOOK/TWITTER (UNFOLLOW THAT MOFO)
  • EMAIL
  • HOUSE SWEEP – REMOVE ANYTHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF THEM

I would say do it as soon as possible or you never will, but at the same time never let anyone pressurise you into doing anything you don’t want to do.

2. Money box

I’m the type of person who never wants to see a silver lining, because I turn it into an expectation which ends in a disappointment. However last year while writing my ‘Goodbye 2012’ post I realised that I should start focusing on the good aspects in my life so I came up with my money box trick. I started to fill my money box with little notes every time something good happened.  You can use it just as a general tool but I think it’s a brilliant tip when detoxing. We all reminisce and some days we just have that fuck it, I really miss them moment – that’s the time to open the money box and remind yourself of all the things you’ve achieved without them.

3. Boxing

This applies really to any kind of exercise, but if you don’t like talking about your feelings but deep down you know you need to let them out – sign up to a boxing class. Why boxing? Because you can pretend you’re hitting them when you hit the pad. But asides from that exercise is the longest effort but it does release endorphins (happy hormone) so once you’re done you’ll get a rush. Sometimes detoxing from someone is constantly in your mind and maybe finding a part time job and exploring different hobbies can make the process slightly easier.

4. Finding your independence

Slowly during this process, you’ll find that you might change and become more independent. Let me tell you that being independent is sexy. A lot of people rely on others to make them happy but if you can do that for yourself then you’re on the right track. You don’t need a time frame but sometimes a little ‘you’ time is blissful. It’s all good and well to go out with mates, but sometimes I’m just happier being at home with one of my many box sets, my headphones or one of my books and having a drama free evening.

I hope that some of this might have helped, if it didn’t you at least got to see a different perspective. It’s hard but it slowly gets easier. You don’t need to take my word for it; you’ll end up saying it one day.

Things I don’t understand

1. Why slow walkers exist whenever I need to be somewhere.
It’s like they’re on a mission to make me late

2. Why I’m so gullible
I think it must be printed on my forehead

3. Why people say ‘ we’ll stay in touch’ but never do
How about we don’t lie to ourselves, that way if we bump into each other randomly it’s not as awkward?

4. The excessive need to judge someone
We all do it, so I guess were just as bad as each other

5. Why we can’t see into the future
I don’t need the specific details but those days where you feel like shit, this would be essential

6. Why chocolate is so bad for you
It’s not natural for something so good to be so bad

7. Why people get a thrill from getting drunk
If you need or get a thrill from getting drunk then you need to take yourself to another planet and get off mine. Thanks

8. Why people use the term ‘messy’ about nights out.
If you check The Oxford Dictionary you’ll find you’re using the term wrong

9. Death
It doesn’t seem fair that people can just get taken away from you for good

10. We spend most of our life, studying, working or stressing out
I blame the government. 5 day weekend anyone?

11. Why I don’t like brussel sprouts even though I’ve never tried them
Maybe it’s the way they look, or the fact nobody likes them so I just follow the herd

12. Why we depend on social media
Just blah

13. Why you have to kiss a few frogs to find the prince
Aint nobody got time for that

14. Procrastination
Even though I’ll break out into sweats and get grey hair I leave everything till last minute. My name should be Natalie Procrastination Gomez

15. Why we need to put £1 in the Sainsbury trolley when we just get it back after
It’s not like I’m a trolley thief

16. Why bad things happen to good people
The cycle of life? Yeah I don’t think so

17. The instant chemistry you have with someone
Weird

18. Why we have to get ill (this one was from mother Gomez who currently has the flu)
I don’t know mother, I don’t know

19. Why there are still third world countries
Sharing is caring

20. Why I never win the lottery
Maybe next time

The breakup effect

Breakups are almost inevitable… unless you’re lucky enough to find your match from the first go. Having so many (girl)friends I’ve been able to see clear differences between them and how they handle situations – in particular breakups. Women go through different phases after a breakup, some that may be oblivious to men.

These are just general observations I’ve made from friends and through hear say.

The emotional eater

A lot of women begin to comfort eat after a break up, I can’t offer you an elaborate scientific reason behind it but here’s my logic;

  • Breakups connote failure and nobody likes to fail. Breakups are undoubtedly more painful if you’re the one who’s dumped. It can leave you feeling like the most insecure female in the world; as though you’re unworthy of happiness so in turn you binge because it’s easy to do.
  • Boredom; once you separate yourself from someone you find all this extra time you never had and suddenly you find yourself eating a big packet of Doritos in front of the TV.
  • Ever feel really happy after eating chocolate? Yeah? That’s because chocolate releases endorphins (happy hormones) so if it makes us feel better than it’s all were going to crave. After breakups were looking for a glimmer of happiness and if we find it in food then it becomes our saving grace.

I know what it’s like; I’ve comfort eaten so many times with my two special boys Ben & Jerry.

Ladies take note those are the only men that will be there for us through whatever and love us no matter what. Invest ASAP.

Not hungry

Your appetite will change as a result of a breakup. Fact. However you might not comfort eat you might lose your appetite. Usually it may just be a phase but it happens. I can’t tell you it’s wrong because it would make me a hypocrite but it gives him the power. Surely regardless of who dumped who, you would want to show him how happy you are without him. He should never be given the satisfaction of knowing how miserable he may have made you. If anything you owe it to yourself to focus and motivate yourself to try out different things.

The motivator

Many will become their own motivators after breakups. They channel their emotions onto different things like exercise and other hobbies. I see it as bettering yourself for future relationships both physically and emotionally. Finding happiness in joys like music and blogging (in my case) is indescribable. You earn so much more respect when you take control of your life, rather than having someone control you. There comes a point where you have to push the pain to one side and start looking forward.

The social media stalker

This can work in two ways; we either have a friend who stalks her ex after a breakup or you’re reading this and thinking shit I should probably get off *insert name* Facebook profile.h39172A46

We live in a generation that is utterly addicted to social media; allowing people’s lives to be accessible. It’s almost deemed as acceptable to stalk your ex by looking through his Facebook, Twitter, and old photos, just so you can still feel connected with him. The more you cling onto someone the harder it is to move on and what happens if you see something that upsets you. What could even be potentially worse is skimming through his profile and accidently liking someone – then you’ve blown your cover. Just try your hardest to avoid because if you’re like me then you’ll read into every little detail and start to drive yourself mad.

To all the good friends in the world, if you know someone that sums up my description then SAVE HER before she gets hurt.

The quick movers

We have to be careful when talking about quick movers because there are two sub headings under the category.

The actual quick movers

I don’t know how they do it but there are actual girls that move on after a space of a week.  I know a few girls like this, who are willing to start hooking up with other guys on your next girl’s night out and although it’s an inconvenience for me seeing as its GIRLS NIGHT OUT, I still think good for them.

I think a lot of people can have opinions about this kind of group, maybe assuming these girls are just ‘easy’ when truthfully we had no idea about the circumstances. Plus who are we to judge anyway

The fake quick movers

This is the one girl that just refuses to talk about how she’s feeling and instead pretends like nothing happened. I think in theory it would be ideal if we could all just get over it but break ups are painful for a reason. The girls that pretend to move on quickly are the ones most likely to have a meltdown a month down the line. If you’re like this then you should know its ok to be a mess, more than ok actually, since really the only thing that helps is time and moving forward.

As you can see breakups can affect us in a range of ways. We can all offer each other advice and support but nobody can tell you how you’re going to react. So instead look out for each and flip those two fingers at the douche bags.

@nattigomez94 & @NatsNatter

#cut4bieber

*Before you read ahead this will have distresssing images and strong language so don’t say I didn’t warn you*

Anyone who has a Twitter account has most likely heard of the cut4bieber trend.

This picture

weed fanatic?

weed fanatic?

provoked this

photo

When I first heard about it I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry – seriously what the fuck is wrong with people. I don’t care if Justin Bieber allegedly smokes weed, the world could ACTUALLY be ending and I still wouldn’t give a shit. Do you honestly even blame him with some of the fans he has?

I have nothing against Justin; I like a few of his songs but his army of ‘beliebers’ are just way too much to handle. Some of them are genuinely so obsessed they don’t understand that aside from him being a singer – he has a life that doesn’t include his fans *shock horror*

I know not all ‘beliebers’ are crazy but this is just one of many examples of how fans get caught up in their world. Having said that – it applies to fans in general not just Justin Biebers. At some time or another we all go through stages where we become a fan girl – I would know I went through a ; High School Musical, Jonas Brothers and Twilight stage. I can admittedly say I was obsessed, I turned my room into shrine and I would lovingly just gaze at my posters but I wouldn’t have cut myself is Zac Efron had decided to quit HSM.

There are thousands if not millions of people all over the world who have or are self-harming for reasons that don’t include Justin Bieber. It’s actually infuriating to know some of his fans are self-harming for no genuine real reason – pure idiocy. I also find it annoying that it’s taken this one photo to bring self-harming more media coverage. There is something seriously wrong with this world.

Self-harming isn’t a joke, and that’s what this whole cut for Bieber trend is. It’s making a mockery over a serious issue as well as promoting others to self-harm. It’s disgusting.  This only reflects just how powerful the internet and the media are – there are just no limitations. Welcome to the modern world eh?

If anything I worry for the mothers whose children worship the Biebs.

The moral of this story is to respect those who self – harm and the second moral is that some female beliebers AKA the girl from the photo needs some serious help.

January – the only way is weight loss

I haven’t blogged in a few days but believe me there is a good enough excuse – my laptop has been in repairs for over a week *RIP*. I’m currently using the tiniest laptop also known as my mum’s notebook. There were two topics I wanted to talk about so you’ll get to read two posts today.

I really wanted to talk about the New Year weight loss craze & cut4bieber – so read whichever tickles you’re fancy.

Were 12 days into the New Year and so far so good except I have one slight issue- The weight loss craze. I feel like I’m a sane being living in an insane society.

Throughout November and December our adverts are taken over by M&S, Waitrose and Sainsbury. They basically tease us with our favourite Christmas foods – sneaky buggers

If you’re like me then you just sit there watching the adverts making a check list of everything you’re going to eat. Sounds blissful right? afraid not.

After I’ve consumed my way through a land of calories January rolls its ugly head to persuade me to diet. WELL I REFUSE! A lot of people gain a few extra pounds over the holidays – you eat more and you pick other things to do over exercise. That alone doesn’t give me a good enough reason to diet – isn’t it easier to just go back to how you were before Christmas. I don’t understand the constant pressure to diet in January and summer. I rarely see Weight Watcher adverts throughout the year yet it’s on every day in January.

If you want to diet that’s your choice, but don’t let adverts persuade you. You may have eaten slightly more over the Christmas holidays but don’t let these adverts fool you with the classic ‘new year new you’ or ‘ now Christmas is over start getting ready for summer’ or my favourite ‘New Year special deals – JOIN NOW’

As a FFF (former fat friend) I know what it takes to lose weight. I was overweight from a young age and as a result of bullies – I tried almost every diet.

Natalie’s failed diet plans

  • The soup diet
  • The no eating diet
  • The water only diet
  • Cambridge diet
  • Skip breakfast diet
  • Atkins diet

I started dieting when I was 13, I would lose weight and gain again. Looking back I wasn’t doing myself any favours.  Every year I would tell myself my New Year’s resolution would be to lose weight and THEN it hit me two years ago that I would stop saying that – because the pressure became immense and what happened?

I shed 3 stones in the course of a year and a half *high five*

How did I do it? I used my past self as motivation – I joined a gym and met a personal trainer called Kelly and learned to eat sensibly. I never deprived myself of anything but I became calorie smart. I used to weigh myself once a week at the same time to keep an eye on the progress.

Was it hard? YES, I cried so many times – from physical gym pain and I cried when I felt like it would never get better.

The end result?

Before & after

Before & after

I could find clothes anywhere

I could find clothes anywhere

I began to smile more

I began to smile more

I became a social butterfly

I became a social butterfly

I finally let others take pictures of me

I finally let others take pictures of me

What I’m trying to say after a long ramble is that I understand the pressure – I know what it’s like to over indulge and notice the weight pile on. I know how difficult it is to have will power in the face of chocolate cake.  It’s taken me years to feel beautiful and it happened when I stopped the media pressurising me  and when I stopped pressuring myself and let it happen.

It’s hard to do anything alone – but start dieting when you’re ready, not when the media influences us to. If you’re not motivated to change yourself it  won’t happen. However if I had to recommend a diet I would suggest Weight Watchers – it’s the only one I have found to have a decent and sustainable weight loss every week.

It doesn’t matter what shape, size you are – nobody has the right to judge you. If you want to diet then as a person who’s come out at the end 3 stones lighter – I can tell you it’s given me such a confidence buzz and I’m noticeably happier to everyone who knows me. If you don’t care about diets then that’s brilliant – each to his own just don’t let January bring you own.

The only way isn’t weight loss, just find happiness in the hobbies you love.

And finally I wish you all a successful and happy 2013!

 

Awkward & embarrassing moments.

Running into someone you don’t like

This happens to ALL of us. We can’t avoid it or prevent it – we just have to deal with it.

You’ll be strolling around in joyful bliss or in misery (doesn’t actually change a thing) and BAM there they are. It’s usually the people you were glad to get rid of, or the person you least expected to see and what’s even worse – they’ve seen you too. Suddenly it becomes a scene from a western movie and you’re ready for a showdown. You have three choices.

  1.    Turn around and never look back.
  2.   Keep walking and pretend you haven’t noticed them.
  3.   Stop to engage in boring chit-chat, or simply head nod as you walk past.

In my case I don’t even need to decide – instinctively my foot will pivot and turn around. Take that douche bags. Surely if I haven’t spoken to you in longer than a year, I’m not about to engage in a fake conversation with you.

I feel like it’s a ridiculous cliché to add here but it really is a small world.  It’s weird how we always bump into the people we desperately try to avoid (or at least that’s what happens to me)

 

Waving at someone who’s not waving at you.

I feel like you can never recover from this embarrassing situation. You’ll be forever scared. This happened to me today, I was walking around my area – Islington and this girl on the other side of the road just started waving. I turned my head twice to check if there was anyone behind me – and there wasn’t. So I started waving back because for all I knew I could have known that girl … but no. I didn’t notice the guy crossing the side of the road to meet her. It’s safe to say I started laughing at myself before breaking out into a quick walk.

The friend that doesn’t share food

If you don’t share food you will automatically become the tight friend. There’s always one person who won’t share their popcorn with you in the cinema, or the one who won’t offer you a square of their chocolate. Honey please – we are in times of crisis, help a friend out.  Unless you’re Joey you have no excuse.

joey-doesnt-share-food

It’s like in my primary school – we would all have packed lunches and we would swap our Babybel for Angel Slices, yet there would be one child who refused to share their Monster Munch crisps. Shame on you. In adult world the states are slightly higher. If you’re in a group on a night out the normal thing to do is buy a round – but there will be one who accepts the free drinks but has no money to buy for you.

If you are this person – you need to man/woman up before you end up buying your own drinks for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Shopping trolleys gone wild

This is probably the least frequent but it happens to me quite a lot. I get shopping trolleys that have minds of their own – the wheels just won’t follow my lead. If I’m going right they turn left. It makes my food shop impossible.

The worst thing about it is everyone will be able to see the struggle on my face as I try to move through the aisles.  Whenever I use an omen trolley it results in me pulling a face that’s in between constipation and confusion. Its hard work. I applaud the many of you who have had this kind of experience and haven’t given up. Hooray for us.

Those are just some of many, I hope that even if you didn’t relate to any it at least made you laugh.

Relationship killers.

Applies to all types of relationships

Facebook.

On the 4th of February 2004, Mark Zuckerberg launched Facebook from his Harvard dormitory room. Little did he know the epidemic that would sweep the globe. This epidemic brought: arguments, breakups, betrayal and a lack of communication.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not blaming Mark Zuckerberg for his genius idea; I’m blaming the millions of us that signed up in the first place. It seems to me that a lot of people forget that we have a ‘friends’ list that see exactly what we write. All it takes is  one thing- you could be complimenting someone’s picture, or you may have added a cheeky wink at the end of a message and that’s enough to upset someone you care about. The same applies to tagged pictures – god that can lead you into some serious shit. Believe me I know what I’m talking about.

I don’t like Facebook because it gives me anxiety, if there’s anything I need to say then I’ll just text my friends I don’t need to make my life public. Thanks to Facebook I have stalking tendencies – so much so that I could be a professional spy. Unless you don’t have Facebook [you brilliant humans] then were all guilty of Facebook stalking. If I see something I’ll start to over think, which leaves me in a bad mood – then I have to come clean about Facebook stalking.

Despite all of this I still have Facebook but –  HOWEVER I created a new profile to break off from the anxiety. I only have about 70 friends as opposed to the 534 on the other account.

0-Anti-Facebook

Lack of communication/effort.

This probably does it the most to me. I hate not knowing where I stand with someone. It drives me crazy. People need to be appreciated; it’s not a difficult concept to understand. When one of my friends does something to show me how much I mean to them, it’s the best feeling. It doesn’t need to be constant because then you get into a routine. Try and avoid getting into routines with relationships because it can turn them into chores. It’s nice to surprise the people you care about.

If someone upsets me I have no problem telling them, otherwise keeping it in just makes it worse. Honesty may not always be nice but at least things get said. Why would I avoid telling someone soemthing that can prevent them from making the same mistake twice?.

Sometimes I forget the fact we can’t read minds. The the only way we can reflect how we feel is by saying and then showing it through our actions.

Open-Communication-Is-A-Must-For-Success-And-Happiness

Suffocation.

It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you have with someone, people will always need space. Space sounds scary but the truth is – you should never form deep attachments with people because we’re all going to die once you depend on someone to make you happy, things can always go wrong. I love my phone, it’s my baby and I will take it everywhere with me, including the toilet – but that doesn’t mean I’m constantly messaging everyone. If you message someone all the time – what happens when you see each other? What’s left to talk about?

One of the worst things we can do to the people we love is suffocate them. If someone doesn’t message back instantly – it doesn’t mean their ignoring us. If someone doesn’t have time to meet on the weekend – it doesn’t mean they’ve replaced us.
Think of our relationships like elastic bands, sometimes we need to pull away and have our own time, but then we come back together. Good elastic bands refuse to snap.

There are hundreds of things that can ruin relationships but these are my top three. Friendships take a long time to happen, so think about that before doing something that could ruin that. You never know how much someone means to you until there gone.