Like many people around the world, I grew up without a dad. My mum left him when I was 3 because he wasn’t a nice guy. Having left things with him; she encouraged us to have a relationship – something he had no intention of committing to.

I last saw him when I was 3 but what strikes me the most is that I had no idea that the last time I saw him would be the last- but somehow my 3 year old brain must have sensed it because I can remember that day perfectly. I could recall the day in perfect detail; from what I was wearing, to where we ate and so on. Weird right?

I’m now 19 with no clue as to who he is or what his life is like. I may have over 100 step siblings for all I know.

Although I had a brilliant upbringing, the void was undeniable. The void was something my mum could see through my eyes, and I think it mutually broke our hearts. I was mourning for her and she was mourning for me, she always wanted me to have a father figure, just as I wanted the ‘picture perfect family’.

Like mother, like daughter

I remember one specific sports day, I must have been about six, my mum rushed over to me to tell me there was a surprise visitor waiting at the house, and I instantly thought it was my dad – stupid me. It turned out to just be some extended family. I’m pretty sure I cried after they left.

Being the creative girl I am, I told my primary school friends that my dad had died and was a sailor and was eaten by the ‘big’ fish in the sea. I was a funny girl even at a young age. It landed me into trouble at one point since one of the girls I told, told her mum who asked my mum if it was true. As funny as the lie may be, it also leaves a sad afterthought.

However my mum always made sure that I grew up with a positive image of my dad – but she couldn’t fool me. She used to tell me off for ripping up pictures with him in them, and told me that he loved me even if he didn’t show it. Liar liar pants on fire.

I told you I ripped up photos

I think that was the hardest thing to deal with, not knowing why he didn’t love me. I had a theory where I thought everyone I loved would leave me. Luckily that theory proved to not be true.

This all may seem a little sad but this is far from a sob story because I had a happy ending. The women in my life have given their lives for me; my mum is the strongest stubbornness lady I know but loves me unconditionally. She helped me through some of the darkest periods in my life; she was there every doctor’s appointment, every sleepless night and every success I’ve encountered. I have the most amazing support systems, my uncle Carlo who has acted like my dad throughout the years, my cousins who treat me like siblings and my friends who have loved me even with my weird tendencies.

The one thing I always wanted to do was learn how to ride a bike, but I spent years not trying because I craved having that ‘fatherly/man’ figure to teach me. Well alas last year me and a few friends took to Regents Park and in the space of two hours I learned how to ride a bike. Hooray. I guess I never needed him.

Relationships don’t always work out- that in itself is understandable but to not be a dad? There’s no excuse.

In the words of my mature self – GROW A DAMN PAIR and do what’s best by your child. It doesn’t matter what happened between you and your partner that doesn’t give you a free pass to neglect your child. You may just regret it one day and the damage will be done. Actions do leave emotional scars and thankfully I benefitted from not having my dad around but unfortunately some people suffer gravely. Honestly if there’s anything I’ve learned is that it’s their loss, not ours.

Friends have the ability to inspire and that’s exactly what my friend Kat or as I like to call her KATRINA has done since I met her. She reminds me a lot of my mum in the sense that she’s also a single mother trying to do the best by her daughter. Although she has the loving support of her family, friends and her boyfriend, her daughter Summer has no contact with her dad purely out of his own choice. How or why should she have to explain to Summer that her father just doesn’t want any contact with her?

Kat has turned her story into a blog which I also encourage you to read – http://vulturesandbutterflies.wordpress.com

 There’s always been a stigma surrounding single mothers, but I admire them. They have such strength to be able to multi task and deserve more credit than they get. Having said that – this post isn’t meant to offend decent fathers out there, but it’s supposed to highlight the negative impact crappy fathers have on children.

Baby me, pointing at all the bad dads out there to make a change

At the end of the day it takes more than sperm to call yourself a dad.

Dorito girl

I’m not one for makeup; eyeliner, blusher and glitter will be enough to last me a lifetime. It’s not that I don’t like make up, but I’ve been fortunate to have good skin and try to avoid anything that can damage it. But sadly this definitely isn’t the case with some of you. Sigh.

Earlier today, I gave myself a little challenge – my mission was to look like a dorito/drag/orangutan.

I’m a dorito and I know it.

Mission completed.

Let’s all take a second to digest.

For the life of me, I don’t understand why anyone any girl leaves their house in that kind of state. It’s not attractive and if anything you’re giving the rest of us something to laugh about.

Results of the experiment: I look 1000% better without makeup. It took me 45 minutes to fully remove all the makeup – which only took about ten minutes to put on. Where is the logic ladies?

Conclusion: If you know a girl like this, attack her face with makeup wipes.

High heel obsession

Fortunately for me, being over 6ft means I wear flats all the time but 90% of my friends will put their feet through complete agony over a pair of  high heels. I guarantee you that on nights out, there will always be one girl in the group who complains about her feet.

What’s worse knows that some girls go to extreme lengths to wear heels;

Girl: Have you got these in a size 6

Sales assistant goes check

Sales assistant: Sorry we only have size 5

Girl: Sure I can try them on

Girl tries them on. Girl is in pain. Girl buys the size 5 heels. Girl has lost her mind.

Ladies be kind to your feet, or suffer the consequences when you get older.

We go to the toilet in pairs

It’s like the toilet represents Noah’s Ark, we just seem to go in pairs. Sometimes I don’t even need to go but I’ll just stand there waiting for my friend. Maybe it’s got something to do with the female bible or maybe just maybe we’re living double lives – average girl by day, toilet protector by night.  Excuse my moment of madness

We critisce ourselves a lot

Girl 1: eugh I’m so ugly

Girl 2: no you’re beautiful but I have such a wonky nose

Girl 3: guys I’m going on a diet

Girl 4: don’t be silly, if anyone needs to lose weight it would be me.

Sigh

In the words of Christina Aguilera: you are beautiful no matter what they say…

We over anylse every little detail

Boy: you look nice today

Girl: didn’t I look nice yesterday?

Boy: talk to you later

Girl: when exactly is later though, few hours, tomorrow, next week? Am I messaging you or are you going to message me first?

Yeah you all know exactly what I’m talking about. We just latch on to words and begin to overthink everything.

The list is endless but I hope you enjoyed my pick.

* Billy Bob just broke up with me *

2 days later…

*We got back together *

Sigh

You get tagged in inappropriate pictures

*Billy Bob just tagged you in 49 pictures*

Sigh

The person you like gets tagged with someone you don’t like

*asshole just tagged your crush in 49 pictures*

Sigh

The location tab brings out your inner stalker

*Billy Bob is in Nandos*

Sigh, let’s pay him a visit

People write stupid statuses

*I can’t decide what to eat*

I don’t care, sigh

People brag about being drunk

*Time to get messy*, *my head is banging*

Clearly you don’t know what dignity means?

P.S I think you’ll find you’re using the term messy wrong, sigh

People get cocky over a screen

*Billy Bob picks a fight with you on your wall*

BUT

*Billy Bob doesn’t say anything to your face*

Sigh

Fake birthday messages

*Billy Bob just wished you happy birthday*

I haven’t talked to him in two years, sigh

Game requests

*Billy Bob has invited you to play….*

No thank you, sigh

Yes I know the list could go on and I’m sure it pegs the question why don’t I delete my Facebook – if I wasn’t so nosey I would.

To all those people who don’t fit these descriptions, I salute you!

I have certain quotes/mantras that will just change my mood almost instantly and I wanted to share my favourites with you.

Before I start I wanted to say a thanks to my cousin for her whiteboard skills.  Now lets gogogo

Relationships

Isn’t it just as simple as that? I’ve spent most of my life trying to figure out why things don’t work – why old friends drift, why relationships are so difficult etc and now I don’t bother. I’ve learned to accept that people will come in and out of your life but they all serve a purpose, which one? That’s up to you to find out.

 Love

I don’t love this quote I LLOOVVEE it! Double the emphasis. It subtly sums up what love should be - extraordinary. Always remember – if you’re with someone who doesn’t make you feel special there is someone out there who will.

 Motivation

Cheesy but classic

 Taking risks

 I can never make decisions, I find them unbearable and this quote reflects how difficult choices can be.  You never know what life will throw at you but what happens in between is down to us.

Regrets

I think it speaks for itself. If you live for yourself then your accountable for your achievements and failures, but if you start basing decisions for other people then you let yourself miss out on valuable experiences.

Maybe you’ve liked them and maybe you haven’t but those simple words go along way.

It was my 19th Birthday last week and since then I’ve been thinking about how every year is completely different to the last. If you had asked me 5 years ago what I would be doing now I would have said; studying Law in Oxford when in fact I’m studying journalism at City University.  Not like I would have gotten into Oxford anyway.
Coming off from that It got me thinking about the lessons I’ve learned so far and wanted to share a few of them with you.

Planning leads to disappointment
I make up these little scenarios in my head about how my life will pan out and they almost never turn out the way I want. What’s worse is I know they won’t work but I continue to do it.

Hard work pays off
I’m a procrastination queen so maybe in theory this makes no sense but working hard towards my goals pay off. If you want something bad enough then you’ll get it. No excuses.

Never expect anything from anyone
I’ve learned it’s always better to rely on yourself because once you completely depend on someone its game over. It’s like a train of disappointment follows *train crashes*

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words won’t hurt me
I was picked on for a long time in secondary for being fat, and the worst thing I ever did was let it get to me. However having said that it shaped the girl I am today. I ended up losing about 20kg and went from a size 20 to a 12. So who’s laughing now? That would be me

You don’t always need to be the better person
My mum always encouraged me to be the better person and sometimes I just cant. We all have boundaries – there only so much we can take sometimes. If you want to be cruel then be warned that I give twice as hard as I receive. Not because I’m a mean person but once people think they can make a fool of you they have the power.

When writing my posts I usually number my points, as my way of showing an order and finality but this doesn’t have an end. I could have written about 100 lessons, most of which I know we have in common. This time next year I’m sure I’ll have learned a lot more and most likely I’ll still be making the same mistakes – but that’s just how it is.

We all learn the basic same things we just learn them differently.

1. I have lethal ninja coordination – I dare you to throw something at me

2. The first man I ever truly loved was Batman, I carried my Batman toy everywhere!

3. Despite being over 6ft, I have a fear of heights; just climbing on a step ladder gives me anxiety

4. I hate Yellow anything

5. Apologise by One republic is my all-time favourite song and guess who’s going to see them?

6. I only live with women (mum, gran and cousin)

7. I name every single teddy I get

8. I have an alter ego called Shaniqua – you don’t want to mess with her

9. I’ll only ever say sorry unless I mean it

10. Cheese brings me a joy that I can’t even begin to explain

11. I have a soft spot for Irish accents

12. My mood swings are on another level (my mums fault)

13. I haven’t eaten in Angus Steak House since I was 3 and refuse to ever eat there again (I have daddy issues)

14. I don’t wear hats, they just don’t suit my head sigh

15. I have a distinctive mark on my upper lip – so if I ever go missing you know how to find me

16. I could hibernate in my room for days

17. I rarely wear makeup

18. This year I’ll be seeing: Jake Bugg, One Republic, Matthew Koma, Maroon 5, Rihanna and Pitbull (To be announced) in concert.

19. Feet disgust me

20. My gran is my saving grace

21. Whenever I drink alcohol my cheeks go red, so you’ll know regardless

22. I ran 5k in 22 minutes – go me

23. My favourite spot in London is Regents Park

24. My favourite Disney character is Bruce from Finding Nemo

&

25. I want a dog for my 19^th Birthday (27th March) please and thank you

I recently wrote about the girls that come out of a break up and thought it would be interesting to talk about the types of girlfriends that annoy me or traits that annoy me.

1. Ready, set, committed
I think the majority of us fall under this category and there’s no shame in that. There’s nothing wrong with wanting commitment or being committed otherwise we wouldn’t be in relationships. I guess the mishap falls when we start to focus all our attention on one single person and sign our lives away to them. Sometimes you can be so wrapped up with someone that everything becomes about them, and you neglect your needs and others around you. It’s nice to be able to share your happiness with your friends, but when girly dinners result in you talking about your boyfriend then something is not ok. There’s a time and place for everything.

At some stage in our lives, we will either be the girl who ignores her friends or we end up being the friend that got ditched. I could hound this in, but you won’t believe me unless it happens – friends are important. Your friends were most likely there before the boyfriend entered the picture, and deciding to neglect your friends could be disastrous. What happens if Mr Perfect doesn’t turn out to be perfect? I guess you can be your own shoulder to cry on.

2. The Networker
We all know one girl who shares her relationship with Facebook. I personally don’t understand the urge to plaster relationships on Facebook – I’ve never done it and it makes me skin crawl to watch others do it.
The only logical reasons I came up with as to why girls do this:
• Make the world jealous, when in fact nobody cares
• Natural attention seekers
• Fishing for likes
Now bear in mind, I’m not talking about the occasional wall post or even picture. I’m talking about the girl that takes over your news feed. I just don’t care about other peoples relationships.  If your genuinely happy and having a nice day out then you wouldn’t find time to tell Facebook.

I’ve always said the less people know about your life the better!  Think how much attention you’ll avoid if you breakup. Nobody will even notice if you’re not constantly spamming Facebook.

3. The flirt
I have several names in mind when writing about the flirt. I don’t hold any respect for girls like this, my teeth grit just typing. A relationship is between two people, not two people and cheeky flirts on the side. If you want to flirt with a pool of testosterone then you should have stayed single. You’ll always find these girls on a night out and there usually the girls that you describe as being tacky. What I can’t stand are girls who flirt with their boyfriend’s friends or brother. Honey you need to revaluate your life and quit while you’re ahead.

Those are my top 3, I could probably add a bigger list but then we all might come up with the same. Maybe you’ve been reading this and you’ve pictured someone, or maybe you’ve realised you fit into one of those traits. Either way enjoy the rest of your weekend and I’ll be posting very soon.

Like I said there are no real solutions and everyone has their own methods but I want so share some of the tips I use.

1. Cutting contact

This is most obvious and logical tip. It’s all good in theory but nobody can tell you how difficult it can actually be. Sometimes you’re so used to speaking to someone every day that the dramatic change is like a drug addict weaning off his vice, but rest assured habits can be broken. I find it really hard to cut contact because I have a phobia of goodbyes so I try my hardest to find a way to make it work but sometimes it just doesn’t. Sometimes people cut half the contact but if you want to move on it needs to be everything:

• NUMBER
• FACEBOOK/TWITTER (UNFOLLOW THAT MOFO)
• EMAIL
• HOUSE SWEEP – REMOVE ANYTHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF THEM

I would say do it as soon as possible or you never will, but at the same time never let anyone pressurise you into doing anything you don’t want to do.

2. Money box

I’m the type of person who never wants to see a silver lining, because I turn it into an expectation which ends in a disappointment. However last year while writing my ‘Goodbye 2012’ post I realised that I should start focusing on the good aspects in my life so I came up with my money box trick. I started to fill my money box with little notes every time something good happened.  You can use it just as a general tool but I think it’s a brilliant tip when detoxing. We all reminisce and some days we just have that fuck it, I really miss them moment – that’s the time to open the money box and remind yourself of all the things you’ve achieved without them.

3. Boxing

This applies really to any kind of exercise, but if you don’t like talking about your feelings but deep down you know you need to let them out – sign up to a boxing class. Why boxing? Because you can pretend you’re hitting them when you hit the pad. But asides from that exercise is the longest effort but it does release endorphins (happy hormone) so once you’re done you’ll get a rush. Sometimes detoxing from someone is constantly in your mind and maybe finding a part time job and exploring different hobbies can make the process slightly easier.

4. Finding your independence

Slowly during this process, you’ll find that you might change and become more independent. Let me tell you that being independent is sexy. A lot of people rely on others to make them happy but if you can do that for yourself then you’re on the right track. You don’t need a time frame but sometimes a little ‘you’ time is blissful. It’s all good and well to go out with mates, but sometimes I’m just happier being at home with one of my many box sets, my headphones or one of my books and having a drama free evening.

I hope that some of this might have helped, if it didn’t you at least got to see a different perspective. It’s hard but it slowly gets easier. You don’t need to take my word for it; you’ll end up saying it one day.

2. Why I’m so gullible
I think it must be printed on my forehead

3. Why people say ‘ we’ll stay in touch’ but never do
How about we don’t lie to ourselves, that way if we bump into each other randomly it’s not as awkward?

4. The excessive need to judge someone
We all do it, so I guess were just as bad as each other

5. Why we can’t see into the future
I don’t need the specific details but those days where you feel like shit, this would be essential

6. Why chocolate is so bad for you
It’s not natural for something so good to be so bad

7. Why people get a thrill from getting drunk
If you need or get a thrill from getting drunk then you need to take yourself to another planet and get off mine. Thanks

8. Why people use the term ‘messy’ about nights out.
If you check The Oxford Dictionary you’ll find you’re using the term wrong

9. Death
It doesn’t seem fair that people can just get taken away from you for good

10. We spend most of our life, studying, working or stressing out
I blame the government. 5 day weekend anyone?

11. Why I don’t like brussel sprouts even though I’ve never tried them
Maybe it’s the way they look, or the fact nobody likes them so I just follow the herd

12. Why we depend on social media
Just blah

13. Why you have to kiss a few frogs to find the prince
Aint nobody got time for that

14. Procrastination
Even though I’ll break out into sweats and get grey hair I leave everything till last minute. My name should be Natalie Procrastination Gomez

15. Why we need to put £1 in the Sainsbury trolley when we just get it back after
It’s not like I’m a trolley thief

16. Why bad things happen to good people
The cycle of life? Yeah I don’t think so

17. The instant chemistry you have with someone
Weird

18. Why we have to get ill (this one was from mother Gomez who currently has the flu)
I don’t know mother, I don’t know

19. Why there are still third world countries
Sharing is caring

20. Why I never win the lottery
Maybe next time

These are just general observations I’ve made from friends and through hear say.

The emotional eater

A lot of women begin to comfort eat after a break up, I can’t offer you an elaborate scientific reason behind it but here’s my logic;

• Breakups connote failure and nobody likes to fail. Breakups are undoubtedly more painful if you’re the one who’s dumped. It can leave you feeling like the most insecure female in the world; as though you’re unworthy of happiness so in turn you binge because it’s easy to do.
• Boredom; once you separate yourself from someone you find all this extra time you never had and suddenly you find yourself eating a big packet of Doritos in front of the TV.
• Ever feel really happy after eating chocolate? Yeah? That’s because chocolate releases endorphins (happy hormones) so if it makes us feel better than it’s all were going to crave. After breakups were looking for a glimmer of happiness and if we find it in food then it becomes our saving grace.

I know what it’s like; I’ve comfort eaten so many times with my two special boys Ben & Jerry.

Ladies take note those are the only men that will be there for us through whatever and love us no matter what. Invest ASAP.

Not hungry

Your appetite will change as a result of a breakup. Fact. However you might not comfort eat you might lose your appetite. Usually it may just be a phase but it happens. I can’t tell you it’s wrong because it would make me a hypocrite but it gives him the power. Surely regardless of who dumped who, you would want to show him how happy you are without him. He should never be given the satisfaction of knowing how miserable he may have made you. If anything you owe it to yourself to focus and motivate yourself to try out different things.

The motivator

Many will become their own motivators after breakups. They channel their emotions onto different things like exercise and other hobbies. I see it as bettering yourself for future relationships both physically and emotionally. Finding happiness in joys like music and blogging (in my case) is indescribable. You earn so much more respect when you take control of your life, rather than having someone control you. There comes a point where you have to push the pain to one side and start looking forward.

The social media stalker

This can work in two ways; we either have a friend who stalks her ex after a breakup or you’re reading this and thinking shit I should probably get off *insert name* Facebook profile.

We live in a generation that is utterly addicted to social media; allowing people’s lives to be accessible. It’s almost deemed as acceptable to stalk your ex by looking through his Facebook, Twitter, and old photos, just so you can still feel connected with him. The more you cling onto someone the harder it is to move on and what happens if you see something that upsets you. What could even be potentially worse is skimming through his profile and accidently liking someone – then you’ve blown your cover. Just try your hardest to avoid because if you’re like me then you’ll read into every little detail and start to drive yourself mad.

To all the good friends in the world, if you know someone that sums up my description then SAVE HER before she gets hurt.

The quick movers

We have to be careful when talking about quick movers because there are two sub headings under the category.

The actual quick movers

I don’t know how they do it but there are actual girls that move on after a space of a week.  I know a few girls like this, who are willing to start hooking up with other guys on your next girl’s night out and although it’s an inconvenience for me seeing as its GIRLS NIGHT OUT, I still think good for them.

I think a lot of people can have opinions about this kind of group, maybe assuming these girls are just ‘easy’ when truthfully we had no idea about the circumstances. Plus who are we to judge anyway

The fake quick movers

This is the one girl that just refuses to talk about how she’s feeling and instead pretends like nothing happened. I think in theory it would be ideal if we could all just get over it but break ups are painful for a reason. The girls that pretend to move on quickly are the ones most likely to have a meltdown a month down the line. If you’re like this then you should know its ok to be a mess, more than ok actually, since really the only thing that helps is time and moving forward.

As you can see breakups can affect us in a range of ways. We can all offer each other advice and support but nobody can tell you how you’re going to react. So instead look out for each and flip those two fingers at the douche bags.

@nattigomez94 & @NatsNatter