We’ve all been there, whether it’s an ex or simply just a friend, it’s happens to the best of us. Sometimes you know you’re the complete opposite to someone to the point that you know that will only cause damage in the long run, so in turn you save yourself. I think what’s worse is knowing that there isn’t a quick fix, and there’s definitely no time frame. I try to never form serious attachments but when I do and something goes wrong it can take me more than a year to be ok.
Like I said there are no real solutions and everyone has their own methods but I want so share some of the tips I use.
1. Cutting contact
This is most obvious and logical tip. It’s all good in theory but nobody can tell you how difficult it can actually be. Sometimes you’re so used to speaking to someone every day that the dramatic change is like a drug addict weaning off his vice, but rest assured habits can be broken. I find it really hard to cut contact because I have a phobia of goodbyes so I try my hardest to find a way to make it work but sometimes it just doesn’t. Sometimes people cut half the contact but if you want to move on it needs to be everything:
- FACEBOOK/TWITTER (UNFOLLOW THAT MOFO)
- HOUSE SWEEP – REMOVE ANYTHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF THEM
I would say do it as soon as possible or you never will, but at the same time never let anyone pressurise you into doing anything you don’t want to do.
2. Money box
I’m the type of person who never wants to see a silver lining, because I turn it into an expectation which ends in a disappointment. However last year while writing my ‘Goodbye 2012’ post I realised that I should start focusing on the good aspects in my life so I came up with my money box trick. I started to fill my money box with little notes every time something good happened. You can use it just as a general tool but I think it’s a brilliant tip when detoxing. We all reminisce and some days we just have that fuck it, I really miss them moment – that’s the time to open the money box and remind yourself of all the things you’ve achieved without them.
This applies really to any kind of exercise, but if you don’t like talking about your feelings but deep down you know you need to let them out – sign up to a boxing class. Why boxing? Because you can pretend you’re hitting them when you hit the pad. But asides from that exercise is the longest effort but it does release endorphins (happy hormone) so once you’re done you’ll get a rush. Sometimes detoxing from someone is constantly in your mind and maybe finding a part time job and exploring different hobbies can make the process slightly easier.
4. Finding your independence
Slowly during this process, you’ll find that you might change and become more independent. Let me tell you that being independent is sexy. A lot of people rely on others to make them happy but if you can do that for yourself then you’re on the right track. You don’t need a time frame but sometimes a little ‘you’ time is blissful. It’s all good and well to go out with mates, but sometimes I’m just happier being at home with one of my many box sets, my headphones or one of my books and having a drama free evening.
I hope that some of this might have helped, if it didn’t you at least got to see a different perspective. It’s hard but it slowly gets easier. You don’t need to take my word for it; you’ll end up saying it one day.